nanocompendium

Wife listening to Husband talk to himself as he watches 25 minutes of The Bachelor

• James: He fucked her.
• James: Watch this, he's going to fuck her.
• James: I hate The Zipper. I got stuck in it once, upside down. It was awful.
• James: This dentist girl looks like Hermey the dentist elf from Rudolph 'The Red Nose Reindeer'.
• James: Soft piano.
• James: This is such bullshit.
• James: He doesn't know his Dad & she doesn't know her Dad, so they're probably brother and sister.
• James: "Oh my God you have a Dad and I have a Dad"
• James: She's a hand talker.
• James: Do you know what Southern boys do at carnivals?? They fingerbang chicks. That's what's going on there.
• James: There are at least 5 barf machines in that carnival.
• James: Are they filming porn on this show now?
• James: Kelly, if anyone ever says to you "You're psycho!" all you have to say is "No, you're psycho" and that's pretty much the best burn ever.
• James: (Valley Girl) "Oh my God, it's not your birthday is it?"
• James: What's wrong with her tits?
• James: (Valley Girl) "Let's bring it"
• James: That's Rosie O'Donnell, what the fuck is she doing there?? I can't take this.